So I never expected to be here. Seriously. In my plan for my life, I would not have thought of spending time praying in Kansas City. If anything right now, I would have wanted to be a star on TV, or take the music industry by storm, or be a lead on Broadway. Instead, I'm in the middle of the country, sitting in classes and in a room from 12-6am every night.
Why, you ask? Well honestly, I don't really know. I just felt a tug on my heart to be here. Over Christmas time, my sister, mom and I came out for a conference, The oneThing conference (ps 27:4). The conference really opened my eyes about how I should be living. Truly loving God and others; Seizing the moment to share God's love with others; to be kind and treat others not just the way they want to be treated, but how they NEED to be treated, with dignity and respect; To look past my own selfishness and into God's heart. From there, I knew that I had to be here for whatever period of time that I could, as soon as possible. So I applied to the internship I thought would best fit me in the time I had allotted, the Fire in the Night Internship.
In the short amount of time that I had to apply and get here, I tried to tie up all the loose ends that I had in my life in NYC (unfortunately neglecting some until I got here) and went gung ho toward this new life. And it was NOT AT ALL what I expected! I found out that I would be living with and surrounded by a bunch of 18 year olds that were leaving home for the first time. The cafeteria food (i know right cafeteria...) wasn't that great and all had CHEESE in it (and for someone why was lactose intolerant, this was awful). I had classes again for the first time since college, and most importantly, I would have to be in the prayer room from 6-10 hours per night! WHAT WAS I THINKING?! Seriously. I was like "What have I gotten myself into?" I was even questioning God asking why I was here. I felt like I didn't fit in. More importantly, I saw the most unusual things going on, and everyone was saying that they "felt God" and I couldn't feel a THING.
So here I am a 25 year old man, living in a dorm with guys that didn't want to be clean or even take showers (and believe me; that has been taken care of. Clean apartment: check) going to class and sitting talking to God for 6 hours on end. By like the 1st hour, I felt like I had run out of things to talk about. I didn't understand what people were feeling or what was going on. But, I knew that God asked me to be here, and I wanted to be open to what was happening around me. So one night I prayed "God, If this is you, and you want me to be here and experience your love in a better way, I'm open. Though I don't understand everything that's going on, I'm open to what you're doing." And there is more to the story, but God answered my prayer. I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't felt in a really long time. AND God healed me of partial deafness in my right ear!
So now I'm open. It's amazing what you can do if you stay open to what God is doing in your life. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes we don't understand even our own decisions. Sometimes we don't understand what God is doing. But the BEST thing we can do is stay open, even the tiniest bit, because God is good and only wants good things for our life.
So I am adjusting. I'm changing my thoughts. I'm starting new things and turning over a new leaf. Trying to experience new beginnings. And making people take showers.
My prayer for you is that you stay open to what God is doing in your life; because even though it may hurt at the start, He is good and is only trying to work through the pain so that you can receive real healing.
If you would like to give anything (tax-deductable) while I'm here (even the smallest things: 25cents, post dated checks, food stamps) you can go to paypal.com, and donate to firstname.lastname@example.org or make arrangements with me! (I can send you an address and make sure you receive everything you need to claim it as tax deductable).
More importantly if you have any prayer requests, let me know so that I can be praying for you. It doesn't matter what it is, God wants to come to him with your requests. They can be anything from healing a sick dog, to financial increase, a new house, favor in your job, or just to receive more of God's love and His spirit. God loves it when we come to Him as a loving father and delights in granting our requests. AANND I'm in the prayer room for 6 hours a night, so keep me busy.